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Thursday, April 15, 2010

..and SOMETIMES Y ..dammit!

As Americans all focus on tax day and forget the plight of the people of Kyrgystan,the problems continue and the story of the Kyrgyzites moves to the back of the newspaper.

As a good community organizer, I think I can help.

First is that they have to do is recognize the problem... a lack of vowels.

It's bad enough that the country name ends in 'stan'. No sensible outsider will ingest anything or believe anything that comes from a " ' stan".
The consonants in front of 'stan are unpronounceable and therefore can't be spelled.

If you can't be spelled you can't be googled .If you can't be googled you don't exist.

The ideological leaders of the USA ( Cable talking heads,fading actors and singers and academics) always afraid of mispronouncing something, are just moving away from the Kyrgz story faster than the Health care reform story.

That's the problem, here's the solution...

The K leaders need a ballot intitiative to come up with a new national name that addresses the search problems. Suggestions include "Springfield",
" Naked" and " George Clooney" ( no f***king ""stan").

Getting a more search friendly name will take a while but there are immediate things that can help..

- get the most credible ideological leader, the Coach of the Duke Basketball team to say he's from there and speak on their behalf.

- Launch "Vowel-aid". This should engage and provide good exposure for the celebs/greenies and academics. ( the academics could explain the whole vowel thing). Concerts could be given and books will be written. ( It's always for the general good that these groups be occupied).

- Promote the national sport of Ulak Tartysh, a combination of rugby and soccer played on horseback with a headless goat as a ball. We could export
a good part of PETA with this idea and maybe displace some poker and fishing from ESPN2.

-President Obama could announce that he won't attack them with Nukes

It's a big problem and this is just a start, suggestions appreciated.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Hammock Time!

New Hammock arrived today.

Initial setup is complete.

Ride height (loaded and unloaded) swing smoothness and droop tension have been set to initial specifications. All done using a combination of the supplied hardware and my custom tree connection system.

A little cool and breezy for any serious testing today. When the weather gets warmer we'll do some final tuning and setup before the maiden snooze.

Final commissioning will follow in early May.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

The Auto show?

You wouldn't think that after the hammock incident put a big hole in the CAPEX budget ( that new 3 pack of boxers planned for in June may be delayed)that I'd be going to the Autoshow.

Well, the wife and I are both "car guys" and thought this would be harmless fun. Also, good research for the unemtired lifestyle.

One of my ideological favorites is the Porsche Cayenne Turbo, which allows you to travel at 150mph+ on bad roads, while listening to great tunes and carrying mulch home from the garden center all for the price of a condo. Now , if you don't know what you're doing at 150+ ( you don't, if you did you wouldn't be driving one of these)the Cayenne will protect you with an incredible array of computers and sensors that will save all except for the truly suicidal ( the reason for this is so that you can live on to buy another one).

No one likes to drive fast more than me and I study and practice as much as I can, just as golfers spend hours putting or chipping. Driving fast and well is one of those useless manly arts that is just plain fun.

I'll bet that no one at the Autoshow at a given moment could drive any of the vehicles on display costing $30K or less to its limits. Any of the fancy vehicles costing more than that are either living rooms on wheels or 4 wheeled Rolexes.

I used to aspire to be the guy driving the sleek Benz or BMW. Now, when I see someone go by I wonder how many hours a day do they spend in the car going back and forth from the place where they make the money to pay for the car?

If I wanted to I could easily have one of these cars, but it would mean I would have to work. So in some sense, I'd be working for the car.

How many times would one be willing to hear an alarm clock or spend a summer afternoon in a conference room to travel 150MPH with a load of mulch?

For less than $30K you can have all you need in a car that works for you. Above that you work for the car and your ego.

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Dealing with crisis....

To be successful at anything, one needs to deal sudden turns of fate and adversity.

Yesterday at a critical moment something happened that strikes at the core of my new beliefs and existence. Normally, I wouldn't labor to post two days in a row but in this case I need to.

At about 4pm EST - my hammock failed.

Hammock napping is is right up there with coupon wrangling ( and a few other things that escape me right now) as an important part of my "new normal".

Researched and ordered a replacement within 30 minutes and by next week I'll be riding high and this will be just a memory.

( had to nap on the couch but still got it done).

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Dress guidelines for retirement interns.

Back during dinkhood ( organizational life) dress was a means of fitting in and setting your status within the group, both things neccessary for you to feel comfortable with your fellow dinks.

To be comfortable with our new status (or lack thereof) we need a dress code so we are fittingly attired for every occasion.

Someday this will be a fashion trend but for now here's a few basics -

- don't care what you look like, you're not going to impress anybody anyway and that's the key to low cost. I haven't spent a penny on clothes since June of last year ( when I bought 2 pairs of jeans and a pocket tee for less than $20). I'm living out of inventory in my closet ( including the years of corporate Logo shirts with meeting slogans on the sleeve - if only they had corporate logo underwear and socks!)

- Dress like a slacker college student except for more pockets ( glasses, coupons and medications) and better footwear ( our feet can't walk very far in flip flops, besides they get cold).

- You've got to have attitude. Carry yourself like a runway model for the fashion house "kiss my ass".

When you're out, people might think you're an old fat college student but more likely they'll think you don't much care.