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Thursday, April 15, 2010

..and SOMETIMES Y ..dammit!

As Americans all focus on tax day and forget the plight of the people of Kyrgystan,the problems continue and the story of the Kyrgyzites moves to the back of the newspaper.

As a good community organizer, I think I can help.

First is that they have to do is recognize the problem... a lack of vowels.

It's bad enough that the country name ends in 'stan'. No sensible outsider will ingest anything or believe anything that comes from a " ' stan".
The consonants in front of 'stan are unpronounceable and therefore can't be spelled.

If you can't be spelled you can't be googled .If you can't be googled you don't exist.

The ideological leaders of the USA ( Cable talking heads,fading actors and singers and academics) always afraid of mispronouncing something, are just moving away from the Kyrgz story faster than the Health care reform story.

That's the problem, here's the solution...

The K leaders need a ballot intitiative to come up with a new national name that addresses the search problems. Suggestions include "Springfield",
" Naked" and " George Clooney" ( no f***king ""stan").

Getting a more search friendly name will take a while but there are immediate things that can help..

- get the most credible ideological leader, the Coach of the Duke Basketball team to say he's from there and speak on their behalf.

- Launch "Vowel-aid". This should engage and provide good exposure for the celebs/greenies and academics. ( the academics could explain the whole vowel thing). Concerts could be given and books will be written. ( It's always for the general good that these groups be occupied).

- Promote the national sport of Ulak Tartysh, a combination of rugby and soccer played on horseback with a headless goat as a ball. We could export
a good part of PETA with this idea and maybe displace some poker and fishing from ESPN2.

-President Obama could announce that he won't attack them with Nukes

It's a big problem and this is just a start, suggestions appreciated.

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